hope...

After breakfast, I received an sms from a dear aunt, informing that my grandma has started to fast and they has called the doctor but the doctor was still sleeping.

What was happening, I could not find the answer in my mind.

I called home. I told mom about the sms, and she told me that grandma was going to undergo another operation. This time, her left leg below the knee would be removed.

I starred blankly. I heard about the plan of the operation, I just never thought that it would be that soon. Today? I thought they were still contemplating about it.

The doctors first removed half of her big toe. Then in Shanghai, they removed the rest of the toe, leaving a black gaping hole that suffocate me with tears upon seeing it. Then it was half the foot next. This afternoon, half of her left leg will be gone.

I remembered the way she winced of pain when she stayed in our house last August. I remembered her tense body when I hold her. I remembered her tears when she did the stupid doctor's suggestion of immersing her foot into a bowl of Dettol. It must have hurt her like hell. I have no more comforting words to say to her then... I could only hug her close and prayed hard for the pain to leave her.

This year has been a hard year for grandma, her six children and their families. We have received hundreds of smses with news of pain, operation, new methods that were going to be tried, new doctors, sleepless nights, some more operations, etc. We are weary... and we could lose all our hope if not for a few of us with great faith.

A cousin, the eldest and dearest of the grandchildren, is keeping her hope high, her prayers long, and her faith strong. She set an example for all of us to follow.

Emak sayang, semoga setelah operasi ini, Emak bisa benar-benar sembuh.

We have persevered Lord, please show us Your mercy.