an angel for the family

The sky was grey with heavy clouds. The air was damp. Everything was wet from the rain that has just stopped. Little Jove waited with my mom and husband in the car, in the parking lot in the middle of the cemetery, while I followed the footsteps of my father and my three sisters walking in a single line on a little path between the tombstones.

From the little path between the tombstones, we stepped into a wider cemented path. Trees stood quietly at the sides of the path. Strange looking trees, their trunks were twisted and their branches were like clawing hands. Appropriate for a scary movie in a cemetery, I thought.

We walked on. Four grave diggers led the way. We asked them to find the grave as Papa has forgotten where it was. They walked quickly, their bare feet made no sound on the wet pavement. The air was cool, rain water still dripped from the leaves when the wind blew, everything was peaceful. I loved the serenity of the cemetery. The dead have no worries.

Not long after, they met another digger, an older one, who happened to know the location of the grave. He used to clean the three graves, he said. We steered out from the wide cemented path, climbing the hill filled with tombstones by carefully stepping on the wet slippery soil or the lower bases of big tombstones. On the way, he showed a big tombstone, a grave to a couple, the parents of my grandfather. I knew almost nothing about them; great grandpa died long before I was born and great grandma died when I was three, yet without them, there would be no me.

Almost at the top of the hill, the digger pointed down to a patch of land full of tall wild grass where scattered bouquets of flowers were thrown away by previous visitors of the nearby graves. I looked closely beneath the tall wet grass. Three small tombstones marked the three graves.

The left one was the newest one, the second daughter of my mother’s youngest sister, died at one day old in 1998. There was a cross made from cement on top of the tomb. The right one was the oldest, second daughter, third child of my mother’s elder sister, died at almost a month old in 1979. In the middle tomb lies my parents’ only son, my brother, died in August 1982, just two days after he was born.

The gravediggers quickly busied themselves clearing the grass on and around the tombs. We stood there, watching. Twenty over years have passed since the last time I visit the place, I was a four-year old child who knew nothing then.

Now I knew, inside the grave lies my baby brother, born and died in a much smaller size than my son when he was born. With him was a small statue of a dog that my father bought for him, he was born in the Chinese year of Dog, just like my son twenty four years later. I could not imagine how my parents must have felt when they buried their son, much as I could not imagine how I would feel if I lost my son. Sadness still clouded their faces if I asked or mentioned about my baby brother.

I have a lot of questions I did not dare to ask. Maybe they did not know the answers themselves if I did ask. Silly questions like: how would our family be now if my baby brother was alive? Would I still have three sisters, the same ones like I have now? Would he be my closest friend and companion? Would his opinion and advice matter when I chose my husband? Would he study with me in Singapore? Would he be a great uncle for my son? And so on.

I knew for sure that our lives would not be the same with him around and it was utterly useless to even ask those questions. Maybe in their hearts my parents asked the same questions from time to time. Or maybe it was only one question, why did he have to die?

While standing over the three little graves, I thought that my little baby brother was now an angel, residing in heaven with his Father and his cousins, looking after us, waiting for us. All of us will see him one day, smiling broadly while introducing us to the hands of our Maker.

When the grave diggers finished clearing the graves, we took photos with brother Wei Xiong’s tombstone, said our prayers, and then walked back to the car, back to the noisy land of the living, back to our busy lives.

down with fever

I was down with fever yesterday. I woke up with horrible feelings, painful joints, bad headache, nausea and fever. I took Panadol and went back to sleep after hubby went to work. Woke up, still feverish. I called my sister to pick us up.

Jove is blessed with aunts-on-their-Christmas-holiday and available stay-at-home grandma, so sick mommy is not a big issue. I spent the day sleeping, waking up only for meals and feedings. The fever went down in the afternoon, but went up again at night. I took another Panadol and went to sleep. Little Jove slept with the grandparents. Bottles of breastmilk were ready in the fridge.

After an uninterrupted night sleep, I did get better. Have done loads of activities today and I'm still okay. Thank God.

another first

Jove pooed succesfully in the toilet today. I hold him while he sat on the kiddy seat that grandma bought him.

Yay!

healing the moon

We gave Jove CTM (chlortrimeton) four times on Friday. The dose was prescribed by our personal doctor, Jove's grandpa. He said that the medicine was quite safe to be used for long term due to its insignificant side effect. But being safe, it took a long time to work. By Saturday morning, the rashes were still all over him, and the scratching continues. We put a topical cream for the scratch wound at the back of his head, it was healing, but Jove kept on scratching. I took the liberty of giving a dose of Avil and Kenacort to him. The medication was prescribed by Jove's pediatrician the first time he identified the allergy outbreak and cleaned all rashes. However, according to my father-in-law, Kenacort contained corticosteroid and not safe for babies. I have considered this decision for two days, it was out of desperation when I gave him that dose. Two hours later, the rashes started drying and the healing began.

We went to the bioresonance therapy clinic in the afternoon. Jove was tested allergic to his Zwitsal shampoo and soap, tempe goreng, Quacker oats, and our house's dust. He had 30 minutes of therapy while watching children's show. This time, he only started to fuss two minutes before the therapy ended.

That evening, Jove used Sebamed baby soap and shampoo. Then at night, grandma carefully wiped his whole face and body with warm and slightly wet towel then put Protopic cream on the rashes.

Sunday morning, Jove woke up clear and bright. His face shone with the new smooth skin and that made our day. I boldly decided to start the investigation in the afternoon, I ate fish. I hold my breath during the first feeding after lunch. He seemed to be fine. Dinner, I tried another fish and a little bit of ox tail. Jove continued to be fine till bedtime. Yay.

Both of us quickly turned on the light when we woke up this morning, and after taking a good look at the sleeping angel, we laughed. Jove's skin was still clean. Even until now when I write this, after a chicken soup breakfast and tempe lunch, he is still clean. No red rashes, no scratching. Only one little happy round moon.

Thank you Lord.

my own christmas elf

This Christmas, I got a Christmas elf.


The hat was handmade by my multi talented cousin, cie Ing Ing. Jove looooves it!

The picture was taken yesterday and if you noticed, no more red rashes! Full story will be told in another entry.

great grandma goes home

Jove's great grandma finally went home today after almost half a year travelling half the world to find a cure. I really really really really really hope that she will continue to heal and be well completely soon. Please hear our prayers, Lord.

We may be going there this Christmas. Could be Jove's first long distance car trip!

still red

We decided to give Jove the doctor's prescribed medicine for his allergy. His rashes are getting redder and he scratched till they bled and stained the bed sheet (I was pretty terrified and hugged him for a couple of minutes after seeing the blood stain). Eating rice and vegetable only for the whole day did not help to reduce the rashes. Maybe the outbreak has gone bad.

We're going to try the bioresonance therapy on Saturday. Hope that helps.

On a happier note, today is Emak's 81st birthday. Called her in the afternoon. She sounded happy. The hospital's nurses threw a surprise birthday party for her, they brought a cake, sang birthday songs, and took pictures. Wonderful sweet nurses! God bless them.

another outbreak

Red rashes strike again. They are everywhere, on both cheeks, neck, chest, tummy, the whole back, armpits, and some spots on the chubby arms and legs. Seems itchy.

Jove was tested allergic to chicken and quail's egg, cow's milk, peanut, cashew nut, chocolate, white sugar, red snapper fish (ikan kakap merah?), prawn, squid, chicken, pork, beef, wheat, yeast, some fungi, cat dander, some metal, prawn cracker, Kraft cheese, yellow food coloring, orange essence, and Indomie. Ikan Tenggiri (mackerel?) is labeled OK by the therapist.

I ate quite an amount of pepes ikan tenggiri (mackerel cooked in banana leaf with some spices) for breakfast and lunch yesterday. Then I drank a glass of chocolate flavored coffee in the afternoon. Oh, and I also ate a piece of chocolate cake. The outbreak began in the evening.

I ate some pepes tenggiri last Sunday and drank the same drink a few days in a row last week, no outbreak of rashes. I assumed that they were okay. Apparently they are not.

I'm going to take some food and drink to the clinic this Saturday to be tested directly to the baby. Meanwhile, I treated the rashes with Protopic cream. Hope the little guy gets better.

he bites

Jove bites everything now. He nibbles soft and hard toys, my cheek, chin, and shoulder, his tiny hands, daddy's hand, grandma's hand, his plastic books, and worse of all... my nipples!

Not too painful now, maybe because the teeth have not come out yet. I really really hope he stops doing that when his teeth pops out.

angelic

Just now, for some reason, I cried. The sleeping baby suddenly stirred, woke up, and cried aloud. I was cleaning up in the bathroom, so hubby picked him up and tried to calm him down. The sway and walk around the room didn't work, Jove cried and cried. But he stopped crying the instant he was placed in my arms.

He looked intently at me. When I put him on the bed, stroked his hair and said sorry (for being emotional), he broke into a sweet angelic smile!

He put his tiny hands on my cheeks, something like stroking me. Then he broke into another happy grin. He grinned at me, then at his daddy. Then after sometime, he fell asleep next to me.

I felt happy the moment he stopped crying when I took him. But being stroked by two tiny hands and being shown a smile like that... completely priceless!

sleepy day

Jove spent most of his time sleeping today! Wow. He took a two-hour nap in the morning and now, two hours has passed and he is still sleeping! Last week, he only slept like 15 minutes to 1 hour on each nap. I guess he is tired from the flurry of activities that we did since Friday afternoon.

We went swimming on Saturday morning. Swimming has been more and more exciting for Jove now. He wiggled his feet and almost smiling in the water! Afterwards, we went for a pizza lunch at the Sarpino's with my sisters, then went home at night.

Sunday, Jove and I cruised Gramedia in MTA while daddy went for NTU Alumni meeting at a nearby school. We spent almost two hours looking at the books. I carried him in the sling, and nursed him while looking at the books. Jove slept for about half an hour in the sling. We had lunch when daddy came. Jove spent almost an hour screaming and crying loudly (very very loudly in fact) while we waited for the table and the food. Gosh! I nursed him again in the restaurant, he slept for almost 30 minutes while we gobbled our food, then he woke up in all smiles mode! We cruised the mall again with the smiling baby in the stoller, then went to the grandparents'. Jove only saw his paternal grandparents about once a week and he still cried a lot in their place due to the unfamiliarity. He went back home tired.

Early morning on Monday, we drove again to my parents'. It was vaccination time again and I would go to the pediatrician with mom in the afternoon. Jove is 9.1kg now. He had a crying fit at night, just after dinner. Everybody tried to sway him, to calm him down and get him to sleep. No one succeded and nothing works. By the time I tried breastfeeding him, he has gone too angry to stop crying. At last, I took him from my mom's arms, did a little jog around the room while humming twinkle twinkle little star. He stooped crying and went to sleep. Fuh! About twenty minutes later, when we were just about to leave, he woke up with a big smile. The tensions from the crying fit faded, everyone smiled, and we went home peacefully.

bioresonance therapy

Jove's cheeks and tummy got worse today. Red rashes popped out everywhere and he scratched them like crazy. I called a cousin of mine and she told me about this clinic that gave a kind of therapy for allergic people. My father called soon after and after I told him about this clinic, he offered to drive us there this afternoon.

He arrived to pick us up in 30 minutes, sacrificing his lunch hour. He'll do practically everything for his grandson!

Jove was tested allergic for a lot of things, including chicken, pork, local beef, cow's milk, and peanuts. Wow. It's good to finally know the food he's allergic to, now I can plan what I eat instead of doing it in trial and error way. The therapist said that Bioresonance therapy that they would be doing could eliminate his body resistance to those allergens and therefore made him an allergic-free kid. It could even prevent him from having asthma like his father and grandfather.

We're still contemplating about getting the therapy now. Hubby is still rather sceptical about the whole thing. Maybe we'll visit the clinic again with him and see how.

From the clinic, we had lunch at home then set off to the airport to pick my mom who came from Semarang.

Mom dashed out the moment she saw Jove without waiting for her baggage. She took him from my arms and asked me to take her baggage! When my dad complained, she said she has asked the security guard who said it was okay to do that. Whew, what a grandma!

testing

I'm trying Mozilla's Performancing to post this. See how it works.

powered by performancing firefox

lazy tuesday

Today I put a disposable diaper on Jove. Lazy to bring him to the toilet to pee. Lately this guy can protest out loud if he did not want to pee in the toilet, only to wet his pants a few minutes later. Then he could not stay still on the bed, always trying to move, roll around, and going out of the waterproof sheet. So I just put the disposable and let him roam free on the bed.

Lately, I often lose my confidence on being a good mom when the baby refused to smile at me. Saturday night, after a full day outing (swimming, going to the mall, visiting the paternal grandparents) Jove cried hard in the car going back to my parents' place. We were supposed to go back home from their place afterwards, but I was afraid that the little guy would go mad again in the car. We could not stay in for another night since we ran out of clothes, so I decided to left him there with my parents. The overjoyed grandmother agreed to take care of him for the night. Mom and dad brought him back on Sunday morning. She said they had a wonderful time with him the whole night and morning. But then, my little guy refused to look at me when I called his name and asking him to come to my embrace. He hugged his grandma tight.

That was a mixed feeling moment. I was happy that he could be so attached with the grandma and was a little disappointed too for obvious reason. Grandma had to go home and I had my baby back... but also with a feeling of not being a good enough mom. I need to learn more from my mom, I guess. She's one of the best mom I know.

Anyway, Mom went to Semarang in the afternoon to see her mother. She already called me when she landed, but no news on the hospital visit yet. I do hope that Emak is recovering well, and this time, really healed.

getting a high chair, yay!

Jove just received a high chair from grandpa. He loves it! And tonight, my husband and I could enjoy dinner together, instead of taking turns like we usually did, while the baby sat happily with us at the dinner table in his new high chair. We noticed that he loves to sit with a leg (or both legs sometimes) lift up and rest on the small table. He does that again and again every time we put his leg down.

He's going to use the chair to have meal in three weeks time. Thanks, grandpa!


Update on Emak's condition: She has regained her consciousness and already had dinner. My aunt said the operation went well and she seemed to be okay. Thank God!

hope...

After breakfast, I received an sms from a dear aunt, informing that my grandma has started to fast and they has called the doctor but the doctor was still sleeping.

What was happening, I could not find the answer in my mind.

I called home. I told mom about the sms, and she told me that grandma was going to undergo another operation. This time, her left leg below the knee would be removed.

I starred blankly. I heard about the plan of the operation, I just never thought that it would be that soon. Today? I thought they were still contemplating about it.

The doctors first removed half of her big toe. Then in Shanghai, they removed the rest of the toe, leaving a black gaping hole that suffocate me with tears upon seeing it. Then it was half the foot next. This afternoon, half of her left leg will be gone.

I remembered the way she winced of pain when she stayed in our house last August. I remembered her tense body when I hold her. I remembered her tears when she did the stupid doctor's suggestion of immersing her foot into a bowl of Dettol. It must have hurt her like hell. I have no more comforting words to say to her then... I could only hug her close and prayed hard for the pain to leave her.

This year has been a hard year for grandma, her six children and their families. We have received hundreds of smses with news of pain, operation, new methods that were going to be tried, new doctors, sleepless nights, some more operations, etc. We are weary... and we could lose all our hope if not for a few of us with great faith.

A cousin, the eldest and dearest of the grandchildren, is keeping her hope high, her prayers long, and her faith strong. She set an example for all of us to follow.

Emak sayang, semoga setelah operasi ini, Emak bisa benar-benar sembuh.

We have persevered Lord, please show us Your mercy.

atopic dermatitis

Jove has this red rashes on his cheeks, neck, and tummy that started about two months ago. It started on his neck and cheeks, we thought breast milk and tropical heat were the cause of the rashes. But after a check with the pediatrician, it was an allergic reaction. He prescribed medicine for allergy, and within three days, all the rashes disappeared!

He advised me to keep notes on the food I ate and to observe if certain foods triggered the rashes. So, no egg whites, seafood, and peanuts for me. Problem came when the medicine was up after five days and the rashes started to reappear. I still could not pinpoint on which food was the cause. Three days has passed since then, and the rashes countinued to get slightly worse each day. We are going to try Protopic cream now, one of the cream prescribed by the peadiatrician. Hope that can help in reducing the rashes.

rewel

Jovan hari ini agak rewel. He is not sleeping peacefully also. I wonder why. Could it be because of teething?

learn to reach

Jove is learning to reach things. He is quite a big baby for his age (9kg, 5mos) and it is quite difficult for him to shift his body forward. He took quite sometime to learn rolling to his tummy and back, slower than other babies his age.

I just hope that he will never forget this intense determination in reaching things outside his hand-reach when he tries to reach his dreams someday.

november rain

With a new baby, finding time for myself has been difficult, especially after we moved to our own home (after staying with my parents for the first four months of Jove's life). Now is one of those rare moments.

It is raining outside, the baby is sleeping peacefully after a warm bath, and here I am with a glass of hot chocolate, relaxing music and the beloved notebook.

Aaah, a piece of heaven indeed.

turning five months

Jove just turned five months old today.

Physical development wise, he has better control of his movements. Rolling to his tummy and back is quite an easy feat now. He can grab things (and starting to grab anything he can reach) with both hands and able to do high-fives if we say 'chos'. His kicks are painful now, and he loves to kick anything that touches his feet. Oh, and he is able to sit straight with support.

Now he can show his will and can wail if we don't give in to what he wants. He smiles a lot around familiar people, but pretty moody around unfamiliar faces. He starts to laugh more, especially when playing with his daddy, grandma, and aunties. Sometimes he can babble for minutes if he is in the mood or if he sees something interesting.

He drools a lot lately. I mean really a lot. He wets the bed, the toys, my shirts, his own shirts, the bolsters, the pillows, his hands, his pants, and the floor! I suspect that he starts teething because he also chews everything now. He received the plastic teether that I gave him with glee.

Socially, he connects better with adults than with babies his own size. I don't know why...

We observed that he is a very patient little guy. He has attention span to last him reading more than one picture book before getting bored. I'm getting pretty amazed at the speed of his development lately. God is really awesome to create babies.

a duk and a high-five

Jove is really getting better in controling his movements this week. He manages to roll back from his tummy, he also loves to lift his legs up high to smash the toys underneath and he grabs toys easily now. Surprisingly, he can also lift his head when he lies on his side.

The fun part, he can do a high-five. Ie Yen taught him to do it and he happily does it anytime someone requested with a "Chos yuk!". Mom taught him to nod his head gently till it touched the other person's head (who was placed near his head), "duk", to indicate that he loved the person. Jove always does this one with a wide smile, sending whoever he 'duk' to a happy heaven.

toilet training

Jove is toilet trained by mom. Being a mother in the time before the disposables, she has a staunch belief in the goodness of cloth diapers/pants. To reduce the amount of wet pants and clothes that we have to wash daily, she trained my son to pee and pass motion in the toilet.

After a month plus doing it, I'm getting better in predicting. There were some misses still, but if I'm dilligent enough, I can have days with no wet pants. If I'm lucky, I can get him to poo in the toilet too!

Now, it is usually pee after breastfeeding, then about 15 to 20 minutes after that pee again. The next one is 30 to 45 minutes after the last, depending on the weather. If he still doesn't want to pee, I usually give him plain water to drink. The trickle will come out as he drinks.

first time swimming!

We just bought the baby float the week before and I was totally excited to experience my baby's first plunge. We went with the grandparents, the grandpa wanted to swim with his grandson.

It was the first time my father ever swam in the kiddy pool of our housing estate's sport club. He went in proudly and his grandson followed. I put him in feet first, then with some talk and persuasion I lowered him down slowly till my father could grab him. He almost cried, but he didn't. After sometime, when he seemed okay, grandpa put him into the yellow baby float.

moving out

I have been staying for more than four months in my parents' house (since I was about eight and a half months pregnant). It has been fun caring a new baby with very excited (and very helpful) grandparents and three aunts. Kind of sad moving out and staying back in our own home, just the three of us with the maid. It's only me and the baby in the afternoons when the daddy is working and the maid is doing the house chores. Sepi deh.

My mom, the dearest grandma, actually cried last night, when we were about to go home. She would be alone in the afternoons now, no more cheerful squeals and smiley chubby baby.

I wondered how my grandma, Emak, felt when we moved to Jakarta in 1990. The four of us grandchildren had been staying with Emak and Kung-kung for as long as we remembered. We left the two of them alone in their house in Semarang when we moved. I did not remembered if she cried, just like my mom did yesterday, on the day we started our journey to the capital city. But she must have felt the hardest change by then. Two children and four noisy grandchildren left the house at the same time, 10 hours car drive from them. Sepi banget deh.

Mama said that in our early years in Jakarta, whenever she (or Papa) scolded or punished us for our mistakes, we would call for our grandparents (teriak-teriak Kung-kung! Emak! keras-keras gitu). When it was the time to go back to Jakarta after a month holiday in Semarang, or after a brief visit somewhere in the year, all of us would cry in the car. One time, I remembered, Mama started to cry with us too when our car left their driveway.

God, for Mama who's alone at home now, for Emak in the hospital and Kung-kung at home in Semarang, please bless them and take a good care of them.

One day, I know, there will be a time when little Jove will grow up and left the house too... by then, I hope I can have enough courage and strength to handle the situation. C'est la vie.

a wonder woman

Today my mom went back from Shanghai with my cousin and my wonderful grandmother. Grandma spent almost two months in that foreign city in a small hospital where everyone spoke a language she did not understand. She was treated unsuccessfully and went home thinner and paler than ever. She did not have the strength to stand up now because she spent all those time on the bed.

But her smile was still there. And she brought goodies for her loved ones! That was amazing. I mean, despite her suffering, she still remembered her friends, children, grandchildren, nieces, and brought them gifts. I never remembered hearing her complaining about her situation. Wincing from pain, yes, but never complaining.

Jove, you have a wonder woman as a great grandma!

shanghai, oh, shanghai

Mom went to Shanghai last night, together with grandma's caregiver, planned to stay there for a month with grandma.

Sending Emak to Shanghai has been a heated issue in the big family. Too far, could be too cold, and too foreign for Emak. Yet it could be the best place for her to be treated. Hope so.

The three of us decided to stay longer in my parents' due to this. We were supposed to move back when the little one is a month old, then my grandpa came, grandma too, then mom and dad were planning to go to China too... so we happily stayed back. Ha ha. It's so much nicer living with a lot of people who adore your chubby son. You get a lot of helping hands that way.

Anyway, I'm kind of nervous with my new job, taking care of the house, now. Hope I can do that well.

first anniversary

It's our first anniversary today. We went to take family photos and lunch with my parents and sisters since we were celebrating two events, our anniversary and Ling's cum claude graduation.

Jove was in his sleepy-blur mode during the photo taking, but fresh and awake when we were starting our lunch in Hanamasa. *sigh*

Anyway, both of us are really blessed to have this little soul so early in our marriage life. Never thought that we will have a bouncing three months old on our first anniversary! Delightful surprise? Definitely. A shocking one, though.

first dvd

Jove cooed and gurgled, almost sounded like a laugh, when watching his first baby DVD, a baby looney tunes DVD. I bought the DVD together with four children picture books. I'm really amazed at Jove's attention span while watching the DVD and reading the books.

a funny conversation

It's a Sunday afternoon. Mom's friend from Salatiga came with her bald brother. I was going to prepare Jovan's bath when they came in and sat down on the couch with mom. They started chatting merrily.

Then, needing to use both hands, I placed Jove in his grandma's lap before proceeding to get the hot water, towel, and all. They continued to chat.

Then this little guy of mine joined in the conversation while looking at the bald guest. He really babbled seriously at him. Mom's friend laughed out loud, she said that Jove found a friend with a similar head. Jove was bald too at that time.

Funny baby! :)

attending a wedding party

Yeah, you have attended a wedding party when you were two months and a week old. I regretted the decision of bringing you to the party though. Loud music, lots of want-to-touch-you hands, disturbed sleep... and I could not eat the food. Ha ha.

reading picture book

He smiled when being talked to, held his head steady for a longer time, and actually paid attention when we read picture book together!

sweet great grandma

Dear Jovan,

Your great grandma, Makco, just took off to Singapore today with two of your great aunts. She has spent 19 days here, getting ozone therapy, and her wound's condition did not improve. She has a wound in her left big toe that has not healed since early this year. Doctor said that there was a clot in her leg's artery, fresh blood couldn't get to the toe and heal the wound. Often, there would be sharp pains felt from the leg. She spent a lot of sleepless nights because of this pain.

Yet she kept showing her sweet smile most of the time, sometimes even when the pain burst in. We spent a lot of time in her room. She loved looking at you, baby. You cooed and smiled to her often.

There was a moment that was engraved deep in my heart. One afternoon, I put you on the bed next to Makco. She turned her body facing you and you almost did the same, then she let you held her forefinger. And both of you started one of the most touching conversation I've ever witnessed. Makco once did that to your grandma and me when we were babies. It was your turn to feel her tremendous love now.

See the picture. I was afraid her frail arms were not strong enough to hold you, but I was wrong. Well, those arms have craddled six daughters when they were at the strongest, twenty grandchildren and five great grandchildren followed. Her arms now frail yet never too frail to hold another love, you, her sixth great grandchild.

Sweet great grandma, get well soon. Jovan and I will always pray for that.

visit of the greatgrandpa

My grandpa, Jove's great grandpa is here.

My grandma has gangrene since the beginning of this year and the condition has not improved. Then a few days ago, Mom found out about this Ozone therapy and asked grandma (and her other children) if she was willing to come to Jakarta to try this. Grandpa decided to come at once to take a look himself how the therapy worked.

So this is the first meeting of my son and his great grandpa, his kongco.

Kongco looked at the little great grandchild and asked my husband how much he costed. He would like to bring Jove back with him. My husband laughed and answered that it would be expensive. Kongco said he could pay any price! My grandpa is 86 years old this year and is quite forgetful already. He is a stern man and rarely laugh. It brought such joy to see him joking like this.

one month!

Jove turned one month on 26 July. Wonderful present for my birthday, eh? Then we shaved his head yesterday. The two grandmas did it. One held him on her lap, the other shaved the head clean with a razor. Pretty cute, don't you think?

The downside, he had a slight fever at night. It's colder without the hair.


That's him sleeping in my arms this morning. I took that pic myself while holding him. Not an easy job!

Now he can raise his head a couple of centimeters while lying face down, move his head rom side to side, and screw up his face when he drinks plain water. He follows objects (the panda flannel head that I made) which are moved. He loves to look around and he especially loves grandpa's ceiling fan! He smiles a lot of angelic smile in his sleep.

riding a breast

It took about a month for my nipples to enjoy breastfeeding. Jove took half of that time to be an expert in latching on.

I once read that breastfeeding was like learning to ride a bike. Difficult and painful at first but eventually it became a second nature once you got it.

How true.

First days – The new beginning

Dearest Son,

You started your journey in the world in the early hours on Monday. After the labor, both of us were brought into our room at about four or five a.m. then Daddy and the cheering squad (grandparents and aunts) went home. In the stillness of the morning, I thanked God profusely while looking at you sleeping peacefully in the small plastic cot next to my bed. I fell in love. Deeply.

You cried a few times before the sun rises, after a while, a nurse came to take you to the baby room. She would take care of you while I took my much needed rest. I slept for about twenty minutes or so then Daddy woke me up. He came at about 6 pm, dropping by on his way to the office. Feeling tired and very sleepy, he slept for a while on the chair.

Then just before he went to the office, we took you out from the baby room. The three of us spent our first sweet minutes alone together as a family in the hospital room.The first day, we had a stream of visitors coming in. Two of your aunts stayed with me in the hospital that day, taking care of you while I slept. I spent the exciting day still in haze and disbelief that the little bundle we had waited for so long had finally come out!

Your dad stayed in the hospital for the first night. He slept uncomfortably sitting on the single seated couch. When I nursed you at three in the morning, I asked him to sleep on my bed while I nursed you on the couch. He agreed and slept for a good two hours! After putting you back on your plastic cot near the bed, I took pictures of the two very special guys in my life sleeping.
You went home on Wednesday, in your grandfather's car, together with your grandparents and aunt Yen. Daddy and I drove behind. I was excited yet very nervous.

Maybe a feeling I shared with all new mothers in the world, uh?

Love you, Son!
Mommy