youtube

 As of writing this, it is almost 2021 and probably already is by the time I’ve finished writing this. Right now I feel kind of lost, mostly with my YouTube channel. I don’t know who I am and what I should be. Well, I do, socially. But this is more to the internet. Like, I don’t know who I really am online.

So, with my YouTube channel. I have switched what content I make a lot of times, and have had countless dilemmas. What content should I make? What style should I take on? I have thought about that a lot. But just recently I’ve been sometimes thinking of “committing redo” as I call it. It’s kinda like when you’re making something and it doesn’t work as it should, so instead of trying to fix it you just break it and make it from the start again.

But of course, I would rather not start over on YouTube. I’ve accumulated 1.27K subscribers, and a big chunk of that is from making Roblox videos (those videos are now privated since I do not want that to be my “brand”). I do notice that ever since I stopped making Roblox videos, my subs have been dropping a bit, and my growth is slowing down by more than 90%. That sort of kills my motivation as well.

I think big YouTubers keep doing what they do because they have a reward from doing it. Not saying that the reward is the main goal, but it’s a good thing. When they upload a video/do a livestream, they have people watching and interacting, which motivates them to make more content. For my channel, I’m getting very little of that now. That’s also a big part of the reason I’m confused with what content to make. Like, I didn’t like the Roblox videos (I liked making them, but no longer want them public, you know what I mean). I enjoyed them while they were there, but don’t wish to keep making them since I myself wouldn’t like it. I did get engagement from it, but I felt like it wasn’t the right thing for me. A good thing, but not the fitting one.

Over the past few months, Minecraft has been blowing up again, and I like Minecraft. So why not make Minecraft content? I did. However I’ve begun to get less motivated and get less ideas due to the small engagement I get. I see other people literally just taking clips from bigger YouTubers’ streams/videos and they get thousands, if not millions of views. Some of those channels (stream compilation channels, as I call them) are even monetized. And THEY get the revenue for just taking clips of other people’s stuff. This makes me feel unlucky too. Luck is a big part in this YouTube thing. If your video gets picked up by the algorithm, boom, there it goes, success. If it doesn’t, well that sucks, obviously.

Anyway, this whole thing has left me just trying to make whatever random content I can, it even feels inconsistent sometimes. My recent videos are now around a minute long, and then you scroll down and get a 34 minute one. Inconsistent. They also look sad, with the huge subscriber count compared to the low, not even hundreds of views. If I don’t upload a video in a few days, I feel like I’ve missed out on a possible chance to become viral or just get more views.

My channel just looks like a jumble of random mess to me. Some videos are memes, some are ones with my voice, some are super random. I’m just honestly confused on what to do now. I see big YouTubers making like, hundreds of the same kind of content and they get a humongous amount of engagement. Some of that content I even find boring.

Another thing I want to cover is consistency. Personally, I have struggles with being consistent. But with YouTube, if I want to, I can be consistent. It’s just that if I do, let’s say from a real example I did, Minecraft Survival Let’s Play, yeah I can do that (I played on a server with some friends). I did actually do that. On the bad computer even. I was consistent for 8 episodes and a few short videos. However in the end I felt that the excitement was only within me. I stopped the YouTube series and continued playing on the server casually, for fun.

If, hypothetically, I got over a million views on every video, I would keep doing that for weeks, months even. I would even stop going to the toilet for the sake of recording a video. I would even still do it if I didn’t have the new computer. But the truth is, I didn’t get over a million views on every video. None of them even hit 100. There was very little engagement, very little comments. Most of the comments were ‘Lol’ and other short words. I hate those kind of comments.

Man I have been writing a lot ya nih. Haiyah excuse this badly structured text or whatever you wanna call it. My point is, I guess I needed to get this out of my head. That’s it. Thanks for reading

Also happy new year :D